The Struggle for Survival
by capnboomerang
Summary: It started out with twelve of us. We tried to lay low and stay safe when the outbreak hit, but it was no use. If you don't move, you don't survive and we learned that the hard way. Zombie AU Rated T for swearing and graphic nature. [ Cover image belongs to her arts rad, ya'll should check her out!]
1. Chapter 1: Twelve

_ It started out with twelve of us. We tried to lay low and stay safe when the outbreak hit, but it was no use. If you don't move, you don't survive and we learned that the hard way._

Our current place of residence was dark , cold and cramped, but we made do with what we could get. Eren said we wouldn't stay long anyway, and that was the only thing i knew to be certain. We never stayed long in one place. Not after we lost Marco. It hasn't even been a week since he died, and no one is taking it well. Marco was loved by everyone he came in contact with. He had such a sweet and selfless demeanor that practically made him incapable of being hated, and now that he was gone, I couldn't imagine things being the same... Especially not for Jean. Jean and Marco were inseparable. Marco never left Jeans side, and though Jean would never admit it, I could tell he didn't mind in the slightest. It was the middle of the night when Marco had gotten bitten by a stray biter, [That's what Ymir decided to call them. ]He had to make a midnight bathroom run, but didn't want to wake anyone to go with him, that was part of Marcos selfless personality. We did absolutely everything in our power to stop the bleeding. Armin and I had wrapped gauze tightly around the wound after Mikasa had attempted to cauterize it, [we had no clue that it would be pointless to, we were just trying to stop our friend from bleeding out.] I had no idea how Mikasa could keep such a calm expression, especially in this situation, It hurt seeing the once happy go lucky boy in so much pain. Even Ymir could barely keep up her strong , sturdy aura. After an hour or so of tiring work, his sporadic heart beat and forced breaths finally ceased all together. Marco was dead, or so we thought. Jean was so happy when he had opened his eyes once again about ten minutes later. So happy to hear a small groan of anguish escape the pale, freckled boys lips. However, it didn't take the boys best friend long to realize something wasn't right. Marco's once vibrant eyes were a dim foggy colour, and his once rosy cheeks now looked as if they had gone through the wash far too many times. I remember the fear on Jeans face as the realization hit him like a heavy stone. This was not Marco. Marco was gone and his empty shell was taken over by something that wanted nothing more than to go after any one with a beating heart and warm flesh, [which just happened to be the dual haired teen who was hovering over the dead boys corpse.] Jean couldn't put him down, though. He couldn't bring himself to put the barrel of his gun to the once full of life teens temple and destroy the creature that now inhabited it. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He struggled against the dead boys new found strength, screaming :  
"Marco! please! stop! It's me, Jean!"  
Then; a gunshot rang out , piercing my ears. Marcos blood was splattered every which way, covering anyone and everyone nearby. Blood mixed with tears upon Jeans face as he watched his best friend die, for a second time, in front of his eyes. As my shaking hands reached up to my face and wiped my friends blood away, I noticed Annie clean off the barrel of her 9 mm pistol that she had held against the freckled boys head, her face completely cold and lacking in emotions as she did so. She killed Marco without a second thought , splattering his blood and brain matter all over the group of traumatized teens. I couldn't speak, or think correctly as I looked at what was left of Marcos head. I didn't notice Jean, or anyone else in this moment, I just sat there and trembled like the complete coward I was. The yelling broke me from my daze. I heard Annie raise her voice over Erens, saying something along the lines of ' kill or be killed'. At the time, it seemed heartless and cold, but in this new world, It is the only rule to live by. Those were the last words I heard Annie speak. That night ,her, Berdthold and Reiner packed their bags and left camp without a second glance. Our once strong group of twelve was now dwindled to nine broken and beaten teens with no where to go except forward. Even though that was the last thing we wanted to do, we had no choice. If you don't move, you don't survive.

"Yo, Christa...you alright?" Ymir's hoarse whisper saved me from my gruesome memories. I looked up from my glove covered hands and forced the most reassuring smile I could muster.

"mm hmm. of course I am " I nodded as I warmed my hands over the fire. The winter was coming on fast and everyone could feel it. I looked over at the brunette and I could tell she wasn't buying a single word that escaped my shivering lips.

"Cut the shit Blondie. You can't lie to me. " She stated matter of factly as she poked at the dying fire with a nearby twig. She looked over at me, her freckled face illuminated by the red embers.

"Wanna talk about it?" Her question startled me. Ymir was not one to talk about how she was feeling, let alone ask others about theirs. I couldn't help but smile lightly at her. Ever since the world had fallen apart, Ymir had changed, only a little bit, but it was enough for me to notice,even if others couldnt. She had softened a bit, and although she was still there to crack ocasional jokes to attempt to break the silence and tension, she also knew when she had to be strong and comforting for us, like a rock. My rock. I shook my head lightly but shot her a genuine smile.

"No. I think i'll be alright. but thank you. " I heard her snicker.

"Good. Cuz I sure as hell didn't wanna listen to your mopey ass shit." I looked into the fire, a smile still prominent on my face. This is what I loved about Ymir. She was real, genuine, and she wasn't going to pretend to listen to something she wasn't intrested in in the slightest. I moved my much smaller, freezing body closer to her skinny frame. No longer caring about anything else around me as she threw her long muscular arm around my shoulder, I snuggled into her for warmth. My eyes feeling heavy at the comfort her presence brought me. The last thing I headrd before my mind drifted into unconciousness was her voice, whispering lightly in my ear.  
"Get some sleep, short stuff. We've got a long day a head of us tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2: Jean

**A/N TW: Blood & Suicidal thoughts**

** Chapter 2 - Jean**

_ There's blood. Blood everywhere. Filling my lungs, seeping out of every crevice, out of every pore. But then there's Marco, beautiful, perfect Marco. His body unharmed, heavenly, radiating a comforting aura that no longer exist in this broken and brutal world. I reach out to him, my hand trembling. I felt my lips curl up into a smile as I moved closer to him, tears streaming down my face as his head moved into my cradled hand. My thumb caressed his flawless freckled cheek and just as he begins to smile I feel everything change. There's blood again, crawling down his pale skin, and a sharp pain in my wrist that hits me like a brick. I watch as he devours me, his surprisingly sharp teeth rip and pull at my flesh. I scream and cry out for help, for anyone to come save me, but I eventually give in, letting him take me into the dark, letting the life drain out of me without a single fight. It's As if... I want him to kill me. _

I woke up in a cold sweat, just like I did almost every night. I've gotten used to dreams like this. Ever since Marco died, it's practically been the same one every night. As I sat up, I tried to take in my surroundings. I looked around at the sleeping bunch of teens and somewhere deep down inside of me, I wish we had all died alongside Marco. None of us have any idea what it means to live in this world, not even Mikasa, and especially not Eren. We just travel from one abandoned house to another, narrowly avoiding those creatures on the way. When in reality it's no use. Death is inevitable. I just wished we had known that back then... back when Marco had died. If he had killed me, at least I would have died with something left inside me. If I were to die now, I don't think I'd feel a thing. I feel like an empty shell that's just mindlessly following our daily routine. As if I'm a Zombie that just hasn't met the gratitude of Deaths hand yet. I've thought about taking my own life, multiple times, but whenever I get the barrel of the gun inside my mouth, Marco is the only thing I can think of. Him scolding me for reacting the way I am. Him telling me to keep on living even though he can't. I want to be able to do it for him, to live my life till my demise finds me, but how can I even begin to when all I can picture is his head, blown to bits on the floor in front of me. This isn't the way I want to live.

"Jean..? Hey- are you alright?" The moment I heard Connie's voice in my ear, I realized that I had begun crying somewhere during my thoughts. Relatively loudly it seemed if I had woken up one of the heaviest sleepers in the group, although, it could have just been because he had been lying next to me.

"Yeah." I tried desperately to sound fine, to sound tough and sturdy. But my voice had deceived me, making me sound more along the lines of a pathetic, dying seal.

"You don't gotta lie to me, man. I know the last few weeks have been nothin' but shit…" I watched in the dim light as Connie looked away from me, as if to compose himself.

"But Marco wouldn't have wanted us to be like this, ya' know?" I heard his voice crack, just as mine had a few minutes prior. I tried to maintain my strong demeanor, however; my face had softened beyond my control at the mention of Marcos name.

"I mean… hell…Sasha barely speaks anymore… even Ymirs insults have sort of stopped…and I never thought I'd say it, but damn do I miss it." He paused with a sigh as he looked back into my eyes with his own glassy ones. He continued with a simple:

"I just wish everything could go back to normal." Which for whatever reason sent me over the edge. I wanted to talk with him, about how I'd been feeling, but I couldn't bring myself to. Instead my first instinct was to stiffen my features and yell at the poor guy, who was only trying to express his feelings to me.

"Well, we can't Connie. We can never go back to normal. So stop thinking about it." I growled beyond my control and stood up, wiping the tears that had formed in my eyes and making my way away from the group to leave myself with my thoughts. I felt awful for the way I had just yelled at him, but I would've felt loads worse if I had let him into my twisted mind. I found my way into the dusty dining room of the deserted house we had claimed as our own for the night and plopped into a rickety old chair, cradling my head in my hands as I tried to keep the tears to a minimum. Connie was right, of course, about how Marco wouldn't have wanted it this way, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel guilty for letting him die. All I kept thinking was:_ It should've been me. I should've protected him_. And I was right. Everyone loved Marco, he was like a saint among us misfits, so why did he have to be the one that died? If It had been me, everyone would be okay. They'd be able to go back to normal, and Marco would be able to live out the life he deserved. It wasn't fair. But then again, nothing in this world was fair.

**A/N I don't know why but I like the idea of switching povs and keeping the chapters short. It's different than what im used to so I'm gunna try it. Please don't forget to review! I'd lovvvvvvveeeeee to hear some feedback! **


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